Not so secret diary of a fat girl…

I was born overweight. I was 9lb 10oz and my mum would tell me that I was the talk of the ward. Visitors to other babies would stop by my cot, in awe at my fatness. I remember being 6 years old and dressed as a Hawaiian hula dancer. Grass skirt, bikini top, lai…the works. I remember thinking ‘I shouldn’t be wearing this. I am too fat to be wearing this.’ Not the thought a 6 year old should be having. And it wasn’t like I was born in the times like today where skinniness is shoved down your throat.
I don’t like being fat. I sit on chairs, worried that it’ll collapse underneath me. I hate having my picture taken because then I’ll have to face up to the reality that is my weight. I have to plot my path around a restaurant when the tables are close together because I can’t get through. I have to shop in specially titled shops for fat girls. And I’m dying. My family has a history of heart disease and diabetes and here I am slowly eating myself to death. I wouldn’t smoke. I wouldn’t take drugs. So why am I killing myself with food?
I am an emotional eater. If I am happy – I’ll eat. If I am depressed – I’ll eat. If I am celebrating – we eat. 

My husband is an enabler. He will encourage me in my overeating as do I him. I have 3 children and I am in danger of not being around to see them growing up. And it’ll be my fault. They will grow up without a mum and they won’t be able to cope. Especially T, he is such a mummy’s boy. How can I do this to them?

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2 comments

  1. flameonix · January 5, 2016

    Hey, I don’t know what should I say, I’ve started reading your blogs and I have to say, you’re facing a difficult time, but there’s nothing one can not achieve. A person I know used to be 215 lb and now she’s 135 lb and still going down. I would’ve used ‘they’ instead of ‘she’, but I want you to know that she’s a woman and if she could do it, then so can you.
    And I know you must think that when I haven’t experienced any such thing, then how can I be so blunt about it, and yes, I haven’t experienced what you currently are, but hey! I want you to know that life is good and that you can achieve whatever you want if you try just a little harder.
    So be brave because you can do it! 🙂
    I hope I’ve used the right words because if you didn’t like anything I said, I’m saying sorry in advance……
    Be happy girl! 🙂

    Like

    • Kitty364 · January 5, 2016

      Thank you! I wasn’t offended by what you say, it is all very true. I am determined to stick to a diet and it is nice to know I have support! Thank you for following my blog 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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