Insecurities

I have many insecurities and I think I always have. I don’t know how we develop these – nature or nurture? I am certainly the least confident out of my sibs, I certainly don’t take after my mother. My father is very sure of himself too, just in a less obvious way to my mother.

I remember going to a fancy dress party when I was in the infants (so under 7). I went dressed as a Hula dancer – grass skirt, bikini top, lei. I remember thinking that I should not be wearing that outfit, I was too fat.

I spend too long trying to analyse what people think of me and it dominates a large amount of my life. I rarely eat in public (outside of a restaurant) because people will look at me and think ‘like she needs to eat!’ Even eating in restaurants make me think of what people think – especially f it is ‘all you can eat’. You may think that those kind of restaurants make a loss when I walk in, but actually I will probably eat less because everyone (in my head) is counting how many trips I have made and looking at just how much is on my plate.

A lot of my insecurities do revolve around my weight, but it is not strictly limited to that. Am I doing a good enough job? What does my boss think of me? My colleagues? My children’s teachers…?

This lent, I am trying to be more positive to I have taken to trying to affirm my good points when I wake up of a morning.

What affirmations do you have?