So what is the answer?

Nothing changes unless you actually try to change it. I can either accept my situation or try to improve it. It is all too easy an answer to go to the doctor. I know I have depression, I know that if I went to the doctor I would be offered counselling, tablets and maybe even sign me off work.

Whilst I am not adverse to these treatments, I have experienced all of these before, I do not believe that they will help me. I believe that tablets will mask the situation. A little like a headache tablet. Useful if there is a minor reason for the headache, but not wise to take long term. After a  while, you have to start asking – what is causing the headache? I think masking the stress might cause me to take on more, to push myself too far. Plus, the job won’t change, the circumstance won’t change. I cannot be on anti-depressants until I retire (at the grand old age of 67 years 11 months and 8 days!) Equally, sign me off work and I’ll eventually have to go back.

I have decided I actively need to seek another teaching job. It might be the current situation that I am in. I could change it by changing my job. This leads to me the fact that I need to lose weight (I am positive I will be discriminated against because of my weight) and passing my driving test would be useful (though, as my mum points out) I probably won’t be able to manage it because I never have. I wonder where I get my feelings of self worth from?)

These, however, are not overnight changes. I need something to make an overnight change.

Changes

1. Complete more work at school in order to have time off at home. This means:

a) marking more efficiently in lessons

b) working through my break, half my lunch hour and any other spare minute that becomes available.

c) ask TA to read class novel at the end of the day.

d) prepare work as far in advance as possible.

2. Work no later than 8pm at home

3. Stop volunteering to do extras at school.

4. Only work on a Saturday. If I am going out on a Saturday, all work must be completed Friday night and therefore the 8pm rule can be lifted.

5. Stop reading scrutiny feedback. Accept that you will never be good enough and that you could be amazing and still have room for improvement. Know that you are working your backside off, working far harder than anyone else and therefore ‘stuff it!’

6. Read / colour / craft before bed.

7. Paint your nails at least twice a week.

8. Wear make up at least once a week.

9. Complete the grateful November challenge.

10. Go out with Neil at least twice a month.

11. Go out alone at least twice a month.

12. Write at least two letters a month.

13. Send a message to my friends at least once a week.

14. Go for a long walk at least twice a month.

15. Do something off your Pinterest bucket list (I’ll explain this later!) every week.

16. Blog every night, even if it is just to write one sentence.

17. Do the things you have been putting off. This includes:

a) transcribing the diaries

b) making Christmas cards

c) starting your bullet journal

d) the things that you thought of to write this part of the list, but has suddenly slipped out of your mind because you have spent so long prioritising!)

EDIT: after pressing publish, I remembered! I want all my posts to have a ‘featured photo’ so one thing I have been wanting to do that I have postponed is going back through and finding pictures to match to blogs!

18. Be December daily ready.

19. Listen to a Christmas song everyday – this will surely cheer you up!

20. There isn’t a twenty, but my list cannot stop at 19!

 

 

 

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