Four years ago today, I became a home owner. This is something that I never thought would happen. I feel fortunate that I was able to do this and hope that my own children will be able to do the same.
Tonight I received my 100th like.
I began the blog, just over a year ago, as a personal little hobby. I never expected people to follow or to like.
I am not so niave that I don’t know that liking someone’s blog is a way of generating traffic for your own, but I still am appreciative of that effort because it is all too easy to skip on by.
Equally, some people have truly read what I have written and have written thoughtful comments and have spared a kind word
So thank you. Thank you for visiting my site and offering support – it means more than you know.
Much love ❤❤
This is currently my life. Every week seems to drag. I am none the nearer to getting out of my job, but I am nearer to leaving; Thursday almost saw me resign without a job to go to. I need to get on with being able to drive so I shall be buying myself a provisional license and looking into automatic driving lessons.
I had forgotten about allowing myself time to relax and unwind and so I have got back into writing my Sherlock fan fiction. I have completed 35 chapters to date and is drawing nearer to it’s conclusion. I have to say that, after a few months of writing The Hardest Lesson I am going to be sorry to see the story finished! I have 17 ‘likes’ or Kudos as it is called but some comments would be good too. The plot might be a little fluffy, I just hope that people have enjoyed reading it and it has provided some simple escapism for some as it did me when I wrote it.
I am off to the doctor on Tuesday. I feel the need to talk through my issues with the doctor regarding my mental wellbeing. I need to develop a backbone. I wonder if they can do that on the NHS.
I have come to the conclusion that I am one highly contagious person. I mean, that can be the only explanation for the fact that whenever I get sick, my husband immediately gets sick – except his is worse. I get a headache – he gets a migraine.
I was off work at the end of this week because I have, probably since right after Christmas really, not felt right. I had a funny headache that has been around since the weekend, which is bearable provided that I don’t move my head. Of course, this is not always possible. The way I could function was to sit upright and not move my head at all! This is on top of the random brain freeze type headaches that I have been getting. This, I am presuming is blood pressure related so a trip to the doctor is in the not to distant future.
Coupled with the headache I also had ear ache and a stiff neck, which brought about spells of dizziness. Again, manageable by keeping my head perfectly still. The bit that is hard to work around is the fact that I had a bad stomach ache, which caused me to vomit periodically. That’s not over share, is it?
I always feel incredibly guilty for having time off work, however there is no way I would be able to function in a classroom.
But please, hold my dear husband in your thoughts for, no matter how poorly I am, he is far worse. As I lay unwell, he eased his migraine by doing a little Pokemon hunting in a nearby park. Yeah. My thoughts exactly.
Nobody told me there would be days like these.
I spent a lot of time in my youth wishing I was in the position I am in now. I wanted to be working, earning my own money, married and have children. I have all of those things. That being said, I am finding it hard dealing with the pressures that all of those things bring.
Work. There is just too much to do, I can’t get it all done. I’m having to teach in a way that I am unfamiliar with and that does not feel right for me. I am relying on people to do work for me, when they can’t. This is having a negative effect on me because I’m being judged by it. The only answer is to do the work myself, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. I do not like not knowing what I am doing or it being thought that I am not doing a good job.
Home. I cannot cope with the mess and the disarray that the house is in. The hubby does not work and he should be able to get the work done however he spends too long playing on the Internet. I am at my limits of the number of times I can have a conversation with him about it. It leaves me with limited choices about what I can do. The easiest solution is to do the work myself but again,it just comes down to time.
Children. I do not think I’m spending enough time with them. Soon they will be grown up, their childhoods over and I will work through it.
I do not want to keep working as a teacher. But there’s no job that I can do that will give me the wage I have and without that wage we cannot survive.
These feelings leave me short of breath, tight feeling in the chest, headaches and a general feeling of drowning. I’m trapped.
As you may have noticed, if you are baring with the sparse posts, that my blogging rate has dramatically gone down. This is something that I was expecting since returning to work but is also an indication of how I am feeling right now.
Where to start…
The diet has gone out the window. Everything that I am about to describe below is the cause of this. I have always been an emotional eater and times of stress cause it to be worse. I am trying to get back on track with this – I’ve missed fat club for 3 weeks and so will return tomorrow in the hope that I can grasp some control back. I dread to think how much weight I will have gained 😔
I am failing the kids. I’m so busy with school work, or so disheartened with life in general that I am not putting in any effort into the children. Reading, helping them with their homework – it all goes out of the window. The hubby doesn’t help with this area. His idea of parenting is to ensure that they have food, have clean clothes and to help them catch their Pokemon.
The hubby is stressing me out too. He is doing a better job of keeping the house tidy but he doesn’t see the bigger picture. I will come home to a tidy upstairs, but breakfast things still not washed up. I don’t know why he can’t manage it all in one day – I do when it is the weekend. I mean; I do know why he can’t manage it, because he spends too long playing on his laptop. His laptop is an issue to be honest. He’s always on it. Of an evening, I sit on the sofa in a little world by myself. I could be living alone for all sense and purposes.
I have posted previously about the fact that I tend to worry a lot about things. Most recently I have been worried about things in the house – the water damage to the laminate in the iutchrn, the cost of the repair to the car lights, work.
My grandfather always used to say that it was it worth worrying because the things that you worry about rarely come true. I have found this to be usually the case but I cannot help but worry still.
Thankfully, the water in the kitchen seems to be coming from the washing machine and the car repairs have come to £60. Not as bad as I was imagining.
School is still school however and I am on a losing battle with that one. Results from the tests aren’t good and I am struggling to juggle the responsibilities of my class as well as managing the other classes. I am going to have to ask for additional time – not that there is any to have.
Exactly as the title suggests! This week seems to have lasted a fortnight!
Nothing overly special happened this week. Went to my first management meeting and gained a new child in my class, taking the total to 29.
The house was de-Christmassed which was very depressing and the days remain short. I can quite see why people suffer from SAD. It’s been difficult getting out of bed this week.