Nobody told me there would be days like these.
I spent a lot of time in my youth wishing I was in the position I am in now. I wanted to be working, earning my own money, married and have children. I have all of those things. That being said, I am finding it hard dealing with the pressures that all of those things bring.
Work. There is just too much to do, I can’t get it all done. I’m having to teach in a way that I am unfamiliar with and that does not feel right for me. I am relying on people to do work for me, when they can’t. This is having a negative effect on me because I’m being judged by it. The only answer is to do the work myself, but there aren’t enough hours in the day. I do not like not knowing what I am doing or it being thought that I am not doing a good job.
Home. I cannot cope with the mess and the disarray that the house is in. The hubby does not work and he should be able to get the work done however he spends too long playing on the Internet. I am at my limits of the number of times I can have a conversation with him about it. It leaves me with limited choices about what I can do. The easiest solution is to do the work myself but again,it just comes down to time.
Children. I do not think I’m spending enough time with them. Soon they will be grown up, their childhoods over and I will work through it.
I do not want to keep working as a teacher. But there’s no job that I can do that will give me the wage I have and without that wage we cannot survive.
These feelings leave me short of breath, tight feeling in the chest, headaches and a general feeling of drowning. I’m trapped.