30 days of me

So, in order to write a little more often, I have found this post via Pinterest on this website called livingoffloveandcoffee. Watch this space for the next 30 days!

30-days-of-me

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Confrontation 

I hate confrontation at the best of times but it’s even worse when it happens at work.

I’m too tired to go into the ins and outs but I will delve into it a little more this weekend.

Control

Are you a control freak?

I often find myself feeling like my life is spiralling out of control. This leads me to wonder, how much of a control freak I am.

I think that is one of the things that is bothering me so much about work at the moment, that I feel I am losing control of what is going on a round me, with so much being dictated to me.

I like to know what is happening and when. I hate surprises that I might anticipate. So, for example, when I know my birthday is coming up, I might feel anxious about what might happen on that day. Perhaps this is because I don’t have control of what is happening to me or around me.

I can’t say for sure if I have always felt this way, but I do know that I am now far more aware of it that I have ever been. I would quite like to chance.

 

A year older but none the wiser

I am on the eve of my 39th Birthday. March 16th 1978 was a cold and snowy day. In fact, my sister and paternal grandmother made snowmen whilst I was making my arrival into the world.

I would like to think that by now, I had got my shit together It turns out that I don’t and not only do I not, but I seem to be getting further and further away from it.

40 is the first real birthday that I remember my parents having. My dad’s came first (I was 11) and we had the house decorated with bunting and a banner. My mum’s was a further 2 years after that. They were grown ups then, financially secure and on top of life. I think because of this, that is why I feel this looming and feel so poorly prepared. A lot of the time I want to go back to being a child, have foolish thoughts and live with my head in the clouds at times.

I like to use times like this to bring about a change, a fresh start, but this time round it doesn’t feel quite right. Today has been a bit of a head fuck. J is really poorly – she has severe tonsillitis and we are on fever watch. If her temperature doesn’t go down then we’ve got to take her to hospital. We decided that we wanted to go out and get a really good thermometer so we knew it was accurate and on our way tot he chemist, the nearside rear tyre deflated, nigh on instantly! We rolled up to the lights and the tyre was fine, pulled away and it was completely flat. Thankfully we weren’t too far from home so we limped and got the RAC out. Unfortunately they could fix it and we needed to wait until about 10am for them to change the tyre. Mother-in-Law took the children to her house for a sleep over (all except for J as she wasn’t going to school anyway, what with her being so unwell) so as they could get to school because it isn’t within walking distance of where we live.

Tomorrow, I will wake without the usual birthday fanfare of opening cards, with my children away, before having to go to work.

Looking forward or wishing your life away?

I often find myself looking forward to events, I think most people do. That extends to the weekends though – I can’t wait til Friday. I look forward to the weekends. I count down the days until the next school holiday. I feel I am missing out by not living in the moment but then equally, the days at work aren’t living – just existing.

I am currently looking forward to the Easter break – just 5 weeks away!

Lent

So, today is Ash Wednesday. Whilst I would not say that I am particularly religious, I have participated in Lent in previous year. This is the first year I have not given anything up, nor promised to do more. Not sure how I feel about that.