I can’t believe we are entering my last week of being off school. The first week seemed to really go slowly (in a fantastic way!) but the time now seems to be slipping though my fingers.
Today we went to a garden party, held to raise funds for the autism centre that cares for Hubby’s brother. It was a big deal going to this, not least because I have never really met his brother due to his autism, but also because his estranged father was going to be there too.
I have to say, I am not 100% on the details surrounding his estrangement from his father. I know that he feels it is his father’s fault and I know that his dad does not feel the fault lies with him. I know that his father may not have been the most involved and obviously was not perfect as him and hubby’s mum got divorced. I know that there was a time when hubby did not talk to his mum either, so I suspect that hubby is not innocent in this either. What I do know is, neither one seems likely to ever budge. That being said, I find this all alien. I come from a very loving family and, with the except of the odd falling out, we’ve always gotten along. There is that one black sheep but she had ostracised herself from the entire family rather than just individuals.
I did warn hubby that I wanted to speak to his dad. I feel like there is no reason I should be rude and not speak and equally, the children have a right to know their own history. I don’t hold into the theory that biology instantly grants father / grandfather status, because non-blood relatives can be far more paternal etc that blood relatives, but I do believe in knowing where you are from.
In the end, I introduced myself to his second wife as she came out of the bathroom and it went from there. Nothing major was said, just reiterated that they didn’t know why hubby didn’t talk to them and I reiterated that it was hubby’s feelings, and something I wasn’t prying into.
I would like it if he could make peace with them, if not for the children but for himself. The hardest thing to do is deal with regret if someone passes. I don’t think this is likely to happen soon.