I feel like my mind is in such muddle. I have so much going on and swimming around in my head. I’m going to try and get it out.
I find work stressful. I find receiving e mails from work stressful, thinking about work stressful – the whole general experience stressful. I think this is teaching as a whole rather than teaching at the specific place that I do. I cannot realistically change my job. I earn too much to be able to switch jobs (although I will be earning less in the summer) and I have too many outgoings in order to take a huge pay cut (the reduction in the summer will be bad enough). I have to find a way to manage the stress.
I don’t know. I feel like I am floundering. I have so much that I would like to do but I never seem to do it. I want to do this project, or that project and I collect all the supplies for it but never do any.
I spend too long not doing anything. I don’t have the oomph to do anything. I think that some days I would just like to stay in bed and do nothing. I think I have lost enjoyment in life.
I feel almost permanently dissatisfied. I am so ungrateful. All I have ever wanted in life was a family. I wanted to be loved. To have children. I have that and yet I still feel like I am dissatisfied. I feel like I waste my time and that I am not succeeding in life. I don’t really know what to do about it.
I feel like I have lost my way. I feel like I want to return to my childhood and start over. I want decisions to be taken away from me and I want looking after.
I know, reading this, I sound like a classic case of depression – but I honestly don’t think it is depression, or at least not what I think depression is. I don’t know what to do.
Today has been a good day, despite the fact that I have had to do work. A successful day shopping (see below) which resulted in me coming home in the dark. I’d made sure that the house was clean before I left and I set the coffee timer going so I walked in to a tidy house and the smell of fresh coffee. Candles lit and Love Actually on, the end to a great day!
Stationary bargains! £6 sharpie set (Tesco) and the rest (prices as show) from WH Smith. To do lists, post it notes, pens and pencils. Joy!
I hope tomorrow goes Ok. We have people in from our new academy trust chain and they shall be in classes watching lessons. I hope the kids behave and I hope they perform. I hope they work is pitched right and I hope I find the energy to teach it!
Shall we go food shopping after school tomorrow? I could leave school early because after everything tomorrow I shall probably be fed up and want to leave early. Now I’ve got that bit of extra money, I can get some food shopping done and get so healthy food so I can get this diet going. Don’t know if I’ll have the energy tho.
I might have a mooch on Amazon and wish and see if there is anything about to buy that’d cheer me up, I might get some stuff from lush. I might go into town if I can be bothered.
I can’t be bothered to do much. I just want to stay in bed.
I am already falling behind on my school work. I just don’t know how to mark effectively to the marking policy in the time that I have. I can’t get around the whole class in the lesson. I refuse to work past a certain time at night, but I will fall behind.
First day back and I am exhausted! I am hoping that I can try and keep on top of things although my job list is already a mile long. I worked solidly from getting in, not even really breaking to eat dinner as I worked whilst I ate. I sat down finished at 8.30pm. Who says teaching is a 9-3.30 job?
I have finally started my bullet journal! Here are a few pictures to tell the tale…
LEUCHTTURM1917 – the bullet journal notebook that I think is quite popular. I’m liking the size and the hard back cover. I also love the blue!
Stabilo pastel highlighters, faber-castell fine liners, zebra glitter highlighters (these are amazeballs!) and Wink of Stella glitter pens.
Highlighters and washi tape to help finish off.
My future log. As you can see I have used the calendar stamps and whilst there is a little ghosting going on, on the whole it is OK. You can also see that the calendar stamp went awry so I used a fine liner to correct it.
I have a few pages in between – trackers, goals, quotes… then I start up for January. I have tried to keep it pretty simple…
It is Saturday. And even worse than that – it is Saturday night. I have a precious one day and a few hours between me and having to go back to work.
I still have not begin my creative New Year. I have spent the day today having a lay in until 10 and then doing housework until hubby came home. I have bathed and watched the children (hubby and T) play on the xbox – the lego dimensions that I got them for Christmas has gone down a storm.
I am waiting now for dinner to arrive – we have ordered take out. Monday is the first day of trying to be healthy.
So, we went to Ikea today. It is amazing! I love it! I don’t often go because I don’t have the money for it. I love to go around and have a look at the ideas that they have going on there. I would definitely use this place to create my mood board for when I win the lottery!
We also went around Meadowhall (or Meadowhell to locals). It was great because it mean I got my step count in!