Happy birthday 

To me. 38 today. 

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Hello? Is there anyone there?

This blog post title could be a reference to the fact that I have not written on my blog for quite some time. Three weeks to be exact. But it isn’t.

Sometimes, despite living in a house with 4 other people, it feels like in living alone. J is autistic and is quite often in her own little world anyhow. M and T are at that age where they don’t need me for entertainment and rightly so. But my husband… If he isn’t playing minecraft with his headphones in listening to Stampylongnose (yes, I said my husband), he is in bed listening to a pod cast. Or snoring.

I never imagined married life to be like this. I am so resentful of what my life has become. I look at other couples and then I look at us. 2 years ago, I got an iPad for Christmas and I will admit, I was a tad addicted to it. I was given a sharp warning of my ignorance from my husband of how rude I was and I made a conscious effort to stop. Now here he is, doing the same. The problem has escalated over the last 6 months. I have the same conversation with him and he throws a huge fit, telling me that it is his only pleasure and he works so hard blah blah blah. He throws his laptop in the bin (retrieves it later!) and sulks like the stroppy 8 year old he is.

His whole attitude towards everything is shocking. When our youngest was born, he was sacked from his job. Whilst I was on maternity leave. I had to leave my last child, leave my last opportunity to nurture my baby (I breast fed – and loved every second – too) and return to work. He eventually, nearly a year later, took at manual job packing in a warehouse for a supermarket. He doesn’t over stretch himself at this place – his verbal warning recieved this weekend for being slack is testament to that. During the day the children are at school (J five mornings a week, the others full time) and he’s supposed to manage the house. He doesn’t. When he actually does make an effort, it is mini parade time. He actually had the nerve to tell me that he had booked a weekend off work next month as he hasn’t had a break in 4 months (I guess he isn’t including the 3 days unpaid leave he decided to take in January – we aren’t rolling in it, he had to work or we wouldn’t survive). He has 5 days off every week. If he considers what he does of a week as work, then I’ve not had a break all my working life. I’m not going to rake over the coals of how hard I work, how long the hours are or how stressful it is in order to get across how much this galls me.  His biggest stress is the children interrupting his gaming.

He is also lying. He’s lying directly  and by omission.

Not sure I can continue like this.